dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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