Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize