i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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