I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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