The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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