Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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