I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
