I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
