theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
