i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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