Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
