if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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