But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
