If i come over, it means nothing
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The Olympian is in my bed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
