I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize