I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
