I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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