he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
