I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
