How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
