it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize