I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
