I need help removing her.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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