Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
