three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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