My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
