So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
