We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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