Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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