speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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