You really coming over, don't trick.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
