We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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