Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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