Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
