Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
do herpes really smell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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