can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
