Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are we still banned from the library?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The power of my boobs compel you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
