I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
