just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
