guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize