trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
