For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
