he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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