i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
