if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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