I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
