It's like a parade of train wrecks.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
