her vagine was all disorganized.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize