So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
