Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
