I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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