he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
