just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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