Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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