i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
