Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
