he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
