Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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