We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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