The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize