I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
