Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His hands were made for my vagina.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
