I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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