My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
