i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Please don't give away my fajitas
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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