I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
