omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
