I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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