Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
