we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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