tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
