Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
