What a fucking waste of an outfit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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