she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
