well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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