dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
