I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize