So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
