Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
