Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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