after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
