No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
