So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
