Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
