his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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