I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
