think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Enjoy the penises
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
