I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
