You're completely useless in the revolution.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i dont even know how to be here
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
