Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
then he tried to convert me to islam
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
