remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
