I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize