You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
false alarm, still single
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
