I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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