can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
tell me about the eggs
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