New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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