if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
