he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
