I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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