I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
