shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
