And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
