Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
