He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
