sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
