They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize