Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
