i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
