I'm jealous of your bromance
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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