If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
