I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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