He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
