I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
