none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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