Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
