Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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